Well Sean has been gone just a little over 2 weeks and I am mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, I know this is probably the best decision for him but then I can't help but think that I have failed him in some way. Why have we gotten to the point that we are currently at? Why does he show no respect towards me? Why has he shut down completely when ti comes to school? Is this move going to help him become a better person?
I have a ton of questions, and I am on the verge of tears some days. I just can't help but dwell upon the milestones I am going to miss. His first date, his first formal dace, graduation from middle school, learning to drive, and so much more. I have given this to my sister, and I know that she will aide him in his quest to make his life make sense. In doing so, I have caused some misery for myself, but it's nothing that I can't handle.
I thank God everyday for all the blessings in my life. I truly feel blessed to have a sister that will turn her life upside down to help my son. Am I a horrible mom for shipping him off to West Virginia and transferring the reigns to her? I don't think so, but as always I question every decision I make because for far too many years my decisions were ridiculed and I would second guess everything I did. I love my son so very much. I only hope he knows this. I have told him every time we talk that I love him.
Ok, that is enough for the moment, I have to get back to work. I just needed to download my thoughts to try and make myself feel a little better.
